I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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