he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
