yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize