oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
