i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
