Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
