someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
