Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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