left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
