kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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