it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
