I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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