i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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