She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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