don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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