It's just like the Real World with babies
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
