Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
