allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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