If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
