You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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