you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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