using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
