Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Just pee around me
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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