You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
