Its about making memories worth repressing
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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