Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize