If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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