we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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