you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
