okay pat passed out under dana's car
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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