Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
