well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My penis needs a shock collar
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
