i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
