found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
