It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
