She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
