unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't deserve a penis
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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