Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Less talking, more tequila
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
