Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
