you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
