At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
did i walk over a car last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
