i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
40s are totally the cure
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
