My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
40s are totally the cure
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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