I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You took a bar mat shot.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
