that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
