Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
