my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
