I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
