I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
