it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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