I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
