There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
