I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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