my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
