hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
