dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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