and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
