ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize