He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
