My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
