Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
