yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
