Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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