My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
