All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
