her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
