maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
