he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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