Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
