i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
