I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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