I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
