i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
okay pat passed out under dana's car
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
