I just cut my nipple shaving
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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