By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
