I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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