I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize